What a week in Japan is teaching me about kids, trust, and letting go.
A Week in Tokyo
We’ve officially landed. After a week in Tokyo, we’re still catching our breath, adjusting to the time difference, and trying to remember which pocket our train cards are in. In the next newsletter, we’ll share a full breakdown of what we did, what we loved, and advice for anyone planning a visit here. But this first reflection is less about where we went and more about what we’re learning already.
Because if there’s one thing that’s surprised us so far, it’s how deeply kids’ independence is woven into everyday life here in Japan.
The Culture of Independence
I had read about it before. I’d heard stories of kids as young as six riding the subway alone, or of parents encouraging children to take on responsibilities that many American kids wouldn’t see until middle school. There’s even an entire TV show here (Old Enough!) that follows toddlers on their first solo errands. And yet, it’s different to actually see it in person.
On the sidewalks, I’ve watched kids Evelyn’s age — seven — walking to school by themselves, backpacks bouncing, no adult in sight. In cafes and restaurants, we’ve seen kids helping with meals or tidying up without anyone prompting them. Independence isn’t a “milestone” here; it’s an expectation. And it seems to be built gradually, in small steps, so that responsibility feels natural rather than daunting.
It’s made me reflect on how in the U.S., our instinct is often to hover. Out of love, yes, and out of fear for safety. But the result is that kids miss out on safe, age-appropriate chances to build confidence. And yes, parents miss out too on those moments of teaching their little ones to grow.
Incorporate the Lesson: Evelyn’s Small Taste of Freedom
For Evelyn, the revelation has come in the form of a hotel room key card. After breakfast at our hotel, she now begs to walk back to the room by herself. With a breath of trust, we say ok. She strides down the hallway with a sense of purpose, slides the card in the door, and comes back beaming with pride. She keeps “forgetting” things in the room… with the independent room visit solution at the ready!
It’s funny how something so small can carry so much weight. The moment to feel independent, to feel in control, and I think mostly to feel trusted. Sure, she’s not taking the Tokyo subway alone. She’s not running an errand across town. She’s just walking down a hallway. But the principle is the same: she is practicing trust, and so are we.
And in those little moments, I’m reminded that independence is a gift we give our kids by stepping back.
Why Independence Matters
Parenting experts and psychologists often say that giving children independence fosters resilience, problem-solving, and confidence. One study I came across described it as “scaffolding” — giving kids the support they need, but leaving enough open space for them to climb on their own. That landed with me.
The same applies to us as adults. Independence isn’t just about kids learning to pack their own bags or navigate the walk to school. It’s about all of us choosing to trust ourselves a little more, to loosen our grip on control, and to let life surprise us. Which, in many ways, is exactly what we did… leaving a city we love and a life we knew to be surprised.
Carrying This Lesson Forward
So as I watch Evelyn march proudly down a hotel hallway, I’m taking notes. Her independence is a mirror for mine. This year is one big exercise in trust. Trusting that we can step away from our routines, trusting that our kids can adapt, trusting that even in the unknown, we’ll find our footing. And frankly, trusting that this is the right decision for our little family in this moment of chaos and extremes in the States right now.
Maybe that’s the lesson for all of us, whether you’re traveling or not… independence is less about separation and more about trust. The trust that we are capable, the trust that our kids are ready, and the trust that home isn’t where you’re standing but the way you bring yourself, your life, into everything you do.
The Challenge of Close Quarters
Of course, it’s not all smooth sailing. Living in one hotel room as a family of four comes with its own set of challenges. No personal space, no door to close, and limited opportunities to escape the sound of a three-year-old demanding attention. There are moments when the lack of space… is deeply challenging.
But then there are moments like this picture, where I step onto the terrace, coffee in hand, and watch the sun rise over the Japanese mountains. Yep, this is an actual picture of my writing this blog. In this quiet moment, I am thinking about what kind of parent I want to be this year. When should I lean harder into trust? When am I holding back out of habit or fear?
Snapshots From Our First Week
Before I dive into a full Tokyo guide next time, here are a few snapshots from our first week on the road:
- We’ve left Tokyo after an incredible first week.
- Tokyo is the cleanest city I’ve ever walked through. It’s remarkable.
- Uncle Famoo is with us for much of our Japan adventure, and we’re thrilled to have him here.
- We’ve eaten at more Italian restaurants than I care to admit… the kids are finding Japanese food a bit challenging. Thank god for breakfasts.
- We’ve all gotten better at saying arigatou gozaimasu “(ありがとう ございます)” (thank you very much) and using two hands when handing things over… a small gesture of respect.
- Sake here is on another level. And one of the best surprises? Vanilla ice cream with sake poured on top. Shockingly delicious.
