Why saying hi, asking questions, and hitting pause is our survival guide.
We’re finishing up our time at a homestay in a small town outside Kyoto, and the experience has already been incredible. A slower pace, new neighbors, conversations in broken English and hand gestures… it is giving us a taste of non-city Japan that feels like exactly what we hoped this part of the trip would bring.
We’ll share more stories about our homestay soon, but for now I wanted to pause and write about something bigger: the foundations of this year.
As many of you know, we’ve been fortunate enough to travel a lot with our kids over the years. Those vacations gave us some confidence that we are “worldly travelers.” But we knew that doing this trip for a full year calls for a different set of skills, rhythms, and even rules.
Over the past couple weeks, we have started to identify a handful of foundations that are shaping how we will not just survive, but thrive, on this crazy journey. And also learn about ourselves and the world.
1. Respect starts with pausing and observing
One of the biggest lessons for the kids (and for us) has been learning to watch first. Respecting a new culture often means slowing down and noticing what the locals do before jumping in.
At Japanese shrines, for example, people rinse their hands at a water basin, approach the shrine, bow, clap, ring the bell once, remove their shoes (pointed neatly outward), and step carefully inside. It is a sequence, almost a choreography, and watching it unfold with the kids has been a beautiful way to teach them that respect is not about being quiet on the sidelines. Instead, it requires attention, curiosity, and, when the moment is right, participation.
We have found that when we combine observation with bravery and the willingness to ask questions, entirely new opportunities open up. Pausing to watch, then gently asking someone why they are doing something, or letting the kids ask their own curious questions, has given us insights we never would have picked up from a guidebook. And taking the time to explain what we are seeing to Dax and Evelyn has made them more confident in joining in, which in turn makes the experience richer for all of us.
The bonus is that once you have observed, you often can participate. That might mean joining a local food activity, letting the kids into a neighborhood playgroup, or simply saying hello at the right moment. In just a short time, that mix of observation, questions, and explanation has already opened doors to experiences we might have otherwise walked right past.
2. Making friends takes bravery
If there is one thing Evelyn is teaching us, it is that friendship requires guts. With a bit of parental support… she has bravely walked up to kids who do not speak a word of English, introduced herself, and asked if it was ok to play together. I mean… this makes this 40+ year old anxious! But, of course, the answer is yes… and we sit there, in awe, watching her run around with her new buddies playing tag.
For me as an adult, it is a reminder that friendships do not just happen. You often have to make the first move. Mel Robbins puts it simply in her book Let Them:
“Connection does not just fall in your lap. It is something you create when you are brave enough to make the first move.”
We have tried this ourselves by starting conversations with strangers and saying yes to invitations, and we have already met some truly wonderful people. One night we ended up playing the card game Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza with our homestay host. Mike, of course, still lost badly, despite the fact that English is our host’s third language. We have also met Japanese parents on playgrounds, where their kids played with ours and everyone somehow managed to communicate through laughter and chasing games. And just last week, we joined a dinner already in progress with a family we randomly met up a mountain, and then bumped into them at the same restaurant for dinner.… the kids now text daily and they invited us to an Aussie BBQ in Melbourne this January… can you believe that mate?!
Early moral of the story: take the first step. Say hi. Or konichiwa. Or just smile and wave. You never know what doors might open.
3. Downtime is not wasted time
A year of travel only works if you actually slow down. If that means a lazy morning, naps, and a quiet evening back at the hotel, so be it. And yes, a movie in the hotel room counts as a perfectly fine cultural experience. Especially when the adults need the break as much as the kids.
We also have found downtime for the kids means unstructured play, at playgrounds, indoor play centers, and with their toys/kindle/art supplies back in our hotel room. Downtime is not just rest, it is what makes the adventures sustainable, and respecting those limits may be one of the most important foundations we set for the year.
Of course, if you know Elisa and me, you know this is easier said than done.
4. Do not forget the parents
This trip is not only about the kids… and these parents need to remember that too. Elisa snuck away for a heavenly 30 minute Tokyo massage followed by some shopping without interruption, while I have found solace in going down to the hotel gym. It is easy to forget that this year is just as much about our growth and joy as it is about the kids, and protecting even small windows of time for ourselves keeps the whole family stronger.
Quick snapshots from this week
- We took a soba noodle cooking class, and watching the kids wield giant knives was both nerve wracking and hilarious.
- Daxton discovered the railway museum and is campaigning to move in permanently.
- Evelyn has been making friends left and right, and I am saving a whole blog post just for that story.
- Elisa and I occasionally remember we are on this trip too, not only the kids’ support staff.
- Uncle “Famoo” left, and Dax won’t stop asking, “where is Famoo?!?!”. He is confident we forgot him on a Japanese train.
- These little moments… noodles, trains, playgrounds, Famoo… are reminders that the foundations we are building are already shaping the trip.
We are wrapping up our time in Japan soon, with Disneyland Tokyo on deck (pray for us). More stories, guides, and reflections are coming, but for now, we are grateful you are following along as we figure out what it means to live, not just vacation, around the world.
